Coaches are Educators

Problem of Practice

How does incorporating student-to-student interaction in a graduate level online course affect students’ career readiness in Engineering?

Part 1

This week, I spent just over an hour observing a gymnastics gym on a Monday night.  Once again, I am normally here with my daughter, but participating in the classes.  It was nice being able to take a closer look at how the employees and coaches interact with the gymnasts at all age levels, rather than just the toddler age.

As with the dance studio, gymnasts were also working on more skills than just learning the skills of being a gymnast.  They were also working on soft skills such as teamwork, ability to receive feedback, communication, confidence, self-management, persistence, and discipline.

Part 2

Date:  October 28, 2019

Site:  Gymnastics Gym

Observations

Like most educational systems, there was an entrance area with a secretary, snacks and gymnastics attire to purchase.  The secretaries would help with answering questions, switching classes, signing up, and for purchasing snacks.

Once in the actual gym, my first observation was that the entire system was extremely well-thought out.  The gym was divided up into different sections including a toddler area, boys area, girls area, ninja area, and a shared area. Even though there were multiple classes and teams practicing at the same time, each coach knew exactly where to go and how much time to spend in that area.  When older gymnasts would go to a new station, they would walk in a single file line behind their coach.  When class started, the gymnasts would work on stretching, even at the toddler level.

There was obviously a curriculum for each level of gymnastics.  Prior to class, the coaches would look over a binder with a list of stations that would be completed during class, along with the goals of that station.  The younger children had smaller versions of the stations including rings, bars, vaults, balance beams, and floor.  Throughout every class, the coaches would work one-on-one with a gymnast at a station, while the other gymnasts would work on other skills on their own (self-motivation).  The coach would give feedback after each gymnast would perform a certain skill.  After the feedback was given, the gymnast would try again and again until that skill was perfected – leading to learning persistence.

Gymnastics and Education

Being an observer I realized that there is a set curriculum for each of the level of gymnasts.  This is more than likely prescribed by the Olympics commission (tightly coupled).  This leads me to believe that the gymnastics gym is an educational system.  Similar to the dance studio, the gym has stakeholders (Olympic commission, parents, students, coaches/teachers, administration) that make up the system.  While there is a curriculum, each coach approaches the skills teaching differently.  This past week, my daughter started crying and it was obvious the coach cared by the way she responded (laid on the floor with her).  Because of this, coaches have autonomy in how they teach the skills and interact with the gymnasts (loosely coupled).

Part 3

Meyer, J., Francisco, R., & Soysal, Y. (1992). World Expansion of Mass Education. Sociology of Education. Vol. 65, No. 2. p. 128-149

Summary: 

Mass education can be defined as the number of enrollments for primary schools (ages 5-14) in different countries .  This study focused on the increase of mass education in regards to countries all over the world.  The goal was to find how mass education changed around the world between the years of 1870-1980 by looking at reported enrollments in primary school in different countries.  The study found that once a country began mass education, the enrollment  steadily increased until it hit 70% of the age 5-14 population, then the enrollment increased at a slower rate.  The study also found that the earlier that the closer countries were to the world center, the faster that mass education was adopted.

Remember:

Sometimes assumptions must take place in order to complete study.  For example, this study assumed that primary enrollment included ages 5-14.  It also assumed that countries that did not have reported numbers meant that it had not yet started mass education.

Highly industrialized countries and countries close to the world center have a faster increase in mass education.  This could be for two reasons:  (1) these types of countries need highly educated populations and (2) “education is seen as maintaining discipline and order in a system controlled by dominant economic and political elite; it maintains the legitimacy and power of dominant classes and effectively controls the lower classes” (Meyer, Francisco, & Soysal, 1992, p. 130).

Fullan, M., Rincon-Gallardo, S., & Hargreaves, A. (2015). Professional capital as accountability. Education Policy Analysis Archives, 23(15).

Summary:

Research has shown that the largest school improvements have been centered around professional capital.  Giving teachers the autonomy to create their own strategies for reaching a small amount of ambitious goals, gives them the confidence and motivation to hold each other accountable. Creating internal accountability at the local level allows educators to be intrinsically motivated.  In addition, educators are given the exact time and resources they need to discuss, look at data, and adjust their strategies.  Taking this one step further, it also eliminates the silo mentality and makes teachers talk to each other about best practices, data-analysis, and to give feedback.

Remember:

  • The most important part of internal accountability is to have a group of educators with a growth mindset.
  • We can’t do it all at one time.  There must be a focus on a small amount of ambitious goals.

Part 4

  • If faculty are extremely busy with external accountabilities, how can we take away the silo mentality and get faculty to attend workshops to improve the online course development?
  • How does mass education and global competition effect the focus on external accountability?  How can we make policy makers see the importance of changing our current strategies for improving education?

A Dancing Education

Problem of Practice

How does incorporating student-to-student interaction in a graduate level online course affect students’ career readiness in Engineering?

Part 1

This week, I spent some time at a dance studio in my small town.  During my time spent here, I observed two dance classes taking place.  I am normally at this dance studio each Saturday with my daughter for her dance class, and so, it was interesting to take an observational approach this week rather than a participant approach.  Relating my observation to my problem of practice, I realized that students have the opportunity to learn career readiness skills in everything they do.  In dance, they are learning patience, listening skills, collaboration, and problem solving skills.

Part 2

Date:  October 26, 2019

Site:  Dance Studio

Observations

The first thing I noticed in the dance studio is that there was an employee sitting at the front desk.  She had a computer at her desk and would say “hello” as people walked into the studio.  In the entrance area, there were places to sit and trophies that dances had earned.

When we arrived, there was a private lesson going on.  The dancer and the teacher were working through a complicated dance.  They would play the music, the dancer would complete the steps, and the teacher would give feedback.  The cycle would start over again and again until the dancer felt confident with that section of the routine.

As more dancers and parents came into the dance studio, they all knew to sit on the bench until the teacher called them into the dance room.  The class I observed included the younger toddlers where the parents went into the class with them.  A good description of the class is an organized chaos.  It was obvious that the teacher had a specific song list (lesson) planned out for the students.  Since it was the weekend before Halloween, the students were wearing their Halloween costumes and the music was geared towards Halloween.  In addition, there were flyers around the dance studio about a local Halloween event.  When it was time to switch to gymnastics, the students knew to sit quietly and listen to directions before running to their first station.

From the two classes I observed, I figured out that the “curriculum” was geared towards the specific age range, with some consistencies:

  • Younger toddlers get to do their own thing with parents in the room.
  • Older children dance by themselves and are expected to follow the steps of the teacher.
  • All classes started with stretching.
  • All students were required to wear a leotard.
  • All students knew to wait until the teacher called them into the classroom to begin.
  • Students received a prize/sticker at the end of their class.

A Dance Studio as an Educational System

As I sat and thought about my definition of an education system, I realized that this dance studio is a good representation of an educational system.  For one, there are similar stakeholders (teachers, administration, students, parents), venues (classrooms, welcoming area), and expectations.  Another representation of it being an educational system is that learning is taking place.  Dancers are learning complicated dance steps, as well as soft skills that allow them to work together as a team to put on a show.

Community is built at the dance studio by allowing parents to sit and watch their dancers as the classroom is taking place.  In addition, the teacher would give feedback to the dancers and parents for improvement.  Finally, the flyers about the local event shows the dance studio trying to encompass a broader community population.

Part 3

Weick, K. E. (1976). Educational organizations as loosely coupled systems. Administrative science quarterly, 1-19.

Summary: 

  • Educational systems can be categorized as a mixture of tightly and loosely coupled systems.  A loosely coupled system is not effected as deeply when one of the components fails.  However, when a component fails in a tightly couple system, a domino effect is created.  Loosely coupled systems create an autonomous environment, but because everyone is doing something differently, there is no “same” ness to fall back on.  It becomes tougher to implement change in a loosely coupled system because every stakeholder is doing what they feel is the best.

Remember:

  • Examples of loosely coupled systems:
    • Inspection – how well the work is being done
    • Decentralized departments
  • Examples of tightly coupled systems
    • Certifications – who does the work
    • Centralized departments

Hargreaves, A., Lieberman, A., Fullan, M., & Hopkins, D. (Eds.). (2010). Introduction. In Second international handbook of educational change (Vol. 23). Springer Science & Business Media.

Summary:

Today’s education in America is a focus on teaching to the test and closing achievement gaps.  This has created a focus on improving math and literacy skills and less focus on creating a well-rounded student ready for their careers and futures.  This text introduces possible solutions to create a new community that incorporates inclusiveness, security, and prosperity.

  • New York District 2 used principals as coaches who worked with teachers to create best practices for their specific students.  They created a more tightly coupled system with walk-throughs and community discussions.
  • England created formative check-ins for both student progress and teacher evaluations.
  • Ontario hired more teachers to make smaller class sizes and increase professional development opportunities.
  • Singapore added areas in their curriculum for teachers to bring “individual initiative and creativity into their teaching.”
  • Create a community of educational professionals to learn from other schools of the same context.  Eliminate the silo mentality.
  • Many countries have begun creating community support mechanisms including extended days, full-service schools, etc. to support teachers and parents in creating a well-rounded student.

Remember:

There is a great quote in regards to the importance for schools to implement skills based on creativity, innovation, flexibility, problem-solving, and teamwork on page xv.

Bentley, T. (2009). Innovation and diffusion as a theory of change. In Second international handbook of educational change (pp. 29-46). Springer Netherlands.

Summary:

As the educational landscape changes at a very rapid pace, educational systems are feeling the pressure of implementing innovation quickly to keep up.  Unfortunately, there are many barriers to this system change because of deep rooted methods and routines in the bureaucratic paradigm.  Having a tri-level adaptive structure allows for adaptation within the system, but makes it difficult for innovation to occur.  Innovation has the best potential if it integrates with, or replaces, existing systems.  This means that innovation must be diffused into the system through imitation, iteration, improvisation, inspiration, immigration, and interpretation.

Remember:

Strategies for diffusion of innovation must come from the way people learn and adjust their own behavior.  These include imitation, iteration, improvisation, inspiration, immigration, and interpretation (p. 41).

Part 4

  • Innovation can occur, but we have to remember it can be slow.  Pay attention to the small steps occurring, which will make the larger system change.
  • It is extremely important to start seeing education as open rather than working in a silo.  This has caused a competitive and monopoly approach instead of improving society as a whole.
  • How does one take a decentralized unit and create a centralized unit without disrupting all of the systems in place?

A Week of Gratitude

Wow, it has been awhile.  It’s funny – whenever I’m on vacation, I think, “I should really start my blog up again.”  Then I write 1 or 2 entries, life takes over and the blog gets put on the back-burner.  Well here I am and you guessed it, I’m finishing up my vacation.

It is pretty sad that I spent the first half of my vacation, working.  I’m really mad at myself for it since now looking back, I feel like I didn’t really get to enjoy my time off.  Yes, I sat around and watched Netflix, and took myself out to lunch, and went shopping.  But, work was always in the background of my mind, stressing me out, and not allowing me to relax.  So, to get over these feelings, I thought I’d reflect on the amazing parts of my time off from work.

Saturday, August 10

Bailee’s 2nd birthday pictures.  How the heck did that happen?  We had a Moana theme and Hei Hei definitely made an appearance.

Monday, August 12

I sent Miss Bailee to school and spent the morning shopping for the new house.  Do you realize how hard it is not to buy EVERY SINGLE FARMHOUSE THING THAT HOME GOODS CARRIES?!?  I keep having to have Brett remind me to wait until we actually move.6A2802A3-9F30-4C64-A16A-E185B501BA0E

Tuesday, August 13

I took my lovely self out to lunch to one of my favorite restaurants!

Thursday, August 15

Bailee turned 23 months old!!  We also spent the day at the Zoo with our Aunts Maya and Brooke and best friend Genevieve!  This was probably the pivotal moment of my vacation.  I felt myself relax, forget about work, and just be present in the day.  I loved watching the girls run around, feed birds, and just hang out.

Friday, August 16

Brett bought me a massage for my birthday (ya know, back in June).  And I finally cashed in.  My massage therapist said I was extremely tense in my shoulders (uh duh), so I decided to just go monthly.  TREAT YO SELF BABY.

Saturday, August 17

FAMILY DAY!  What a blast.  We took Bailee to the Armada Fair and she freaking loved it. She petted all the animals, ran around, and ate all the fair food possible.  Then we took her to Blake’s Cider Mill and had sweet corn and a donut.  Best.  Day.  Ever.  I love our family days together.

Ok, overall, the week was pretty great.  Now to prepare myself mentally to go back to work tomorrow…

The Worst Advice Ever

We’ve all been guilty of giving the worst advice ever.  And we’ve all been on the receiving end of this aforementioned advice.  In your darkest moments, “everything happens for a reason” is the last thing you want to hear.

While the giver of this advice more than likely has the best intentions in place, it doesn’t help that feeling of “ok, but why the hell is this happening to me?”  In the moment, it is difficult to see that ‘reason’ being anything other than a pain in the ass.  A future unknown that may or may not happen.

When we drag ourselves out of the basement of our emotions, it is important to reflect upon that time spent underground.  Did everything end up turning out ok?  Was there a final reason for going through that emotional sludge?

I remember in 2014 being in one of those darkest moments.  I was set on leaving my job as a middle school teacher for a more affluent school district.  I had applied to hundreds of jobs and interviewed for two jobs, only to be turned down.  I felt like I was in a hole.  I couldn’t figure out why this was happening.  Why was this so hard to move on?  I kept trying to remind myself “everything happens for a reason,” but in the moment, it felt like a load of crap.

2015 came and it all made sense.  After lots of emotional debate, I decided to leave the world of teaching and started applying for jobs.  I landed an interview as an instructional designer and got the job!  Since then, my life has changed.  I’ve been challenged, encouraged, grown as a person, and even promoted.  Looking back, four years later, it is easy to see that ‘reason,’ even if I was blind to it in 2014.

Recently, I had another moment of clarity.  2018 was shit.  But, looking back, I have become a better person.  Avoiding being modest, I’d say I am the best version of myself today than I ever have been.  I’ve learned mindfulness, being present, taking time for myself, encouraging health, including mentally, and so much more.  I’ve learned my values and I lean into them whenever there is a difficult decision, and I refuse to feel guilty for following those values.  I encourage everyone around me to lean into their values and get rid of the guilt that accompanies life.

So, my conclusion in all of this?  Don’t give the advice of “everything happens for a reason,” but remember it yourself.  Remember to reflect when you have pulled yourself out of the hole and when you see the light at the end of the tunnel.  You may not know the ‘reason’ right now, but in 1, 2, maybe even 5 years, it may all make sense.dwt3y27xcaefs4a.jpg large

Vulnerability in a Bird Box

I’m sure you’ve heard the huge hype of the Netflix Original Movie, Bird Box.  I’m not normally one of the ones to jump on the bandwagon of watching shows just because everyone else has seen it.  But, of course, I got sucked into it when my husband started watching it one Friday night.  You may think this post is all about a review of the movie and my thoughts on the plot.  No, not quite.  However, this post will contain spoilers.  If you haven’t seen the movie, this is my warning!

First, a little synopsis of the movie.  Bird Box is about a woman and two children who are running from a mysterious creature that when you see it, you die.  The three of them must voyage their way down a dangerous river, while wearing blindfolds, to what they believe to be a safe haven.

So, what does this movie have to do with vulnerability?  At the time we watched Bird Box, I had also been reading Dare to Lead by Brene Brown.  In her book, she explains how the most vulnerable feeling is love.  Love leads to foreboding joy, or the feeling that something bad will happen whenever something good happens.

With these words in the back of my head, this movie became the biggest roller coaster of emotions that I have felt in a very long time.  I was essentially on edge with anxiety the ENTIRE movie.  As a mother, any thriller with kids as the main characters freaks me the heck out.  The entire time all I can see is my daughter as one of the characters and hope that nothing happens to the children.  I kept screaming “this movie sucks, I hate it,” while refusing to look away because I had to know if the children survived.

Halfway through the movie, my anxiety was at an all-time high.  I kept seeing flashes of foreboding joy, such as when the main characters were sitting eating pop tarts with huge smiles on their faces and a sense of euphoria over their faces.  Only to have the non-blind folded people screech into the house they were raiding.  I saw a woman refusing to be vulnerable by naming her children “boy and girl” instead of giving them real names.  By the end of the movie, I broke.  I was sobbing when they finally made it to the safe haven and the woman actual gave the boy and girl names:  Olivia Jr. and Tom.

Phew.  It definitely took me a few days to get over that emotional roller coaster.  But, it also gave me a lot of room for reflection and helped me practice gratitude to avoid that foreboding joy feeling in my own life.  So yes, while it is scary to practice vulnerability in our lives, are we really living if we don’t? Are we missing out on enjoying truly joyful moments?  I’ll let you be the judge of that.

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New Years 2019

It is time for that “new year, new me” movement.  My husband always makes fun of this time of year, because it is a bunch of people making goals that by February, they’ve probably abandoned.  I’ve found making goals throughout the year and making small attainable steps to reach those goals are much better comprehended by me.  However, I still jump on that “new year, new me” bandwagon and create some resolutions for myself.

Prepare and Apply for my Doctorate Program.  This is my hugest goal of 2019.  It includes so many steps and processes to prepare for it including:

  • Prepare and Pass the GRE by July 2019.
  • Write required essays and submit to mentors to review.
  • Apply.

Reduce my time on phone per day to 2 hours and 30 minutes.  I’m so guilty of being on my phone too much.  As a working mom, I already have limited time with my daughter, so why am I so inclined to be checking my phone constantly?!  That FOMO (fear of missing out) is real.  If I saw a notification, I HAD to check my phone.  I took the first step recently and deleted the Facebook app from my phone and only check social media during certain times of the day.

Continue my mindfulness.  This goal is more to remind myself of the importance of being mindful even when things get tough and stress gets the better of me.  I’m going to continue doing:

  • Work out 4:30 am each weekday.
  • Practice gratitude by writing down things I’m grateful for.
  • Start each day with a positive quote.
  • Listen to inspirational Podcasts to and from work.

Do not use my credit card.  2018 was all about paying off our credit card debt, and we took some drastic budgeting and steps to do it.  It is so liberating to see all of our credit card statements say $0.  The hard and stressful part is really thinking about if I truly need to purchase something and actually saving for it instead of just buying it.

Take time for creativity.  This means doing weekly or every other week photoshoots with my daughter.  She is so photogenic and as a brand rep (seriously, don’t ask) we take pictures for small businesses.  It so much fun to plan out the outfits and edit the pictures.  I need to take more time for it as it also lets my creative side out!

I’m ready for you 2019!

You may encounter many defeats. But, you must not be defested.

The Rollercoaster of 2018

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Phew.  2018.  You have been a roller coaster.  There have been very high highs and very low lows.  It is easy to look back and focus on the lows of the year including physical therapy (for Bailee and myself), helmet for flat head, being sick constantly, ear infections, HFM, the decision to get tubes in Bailee’s ears, and post-partum depression.  But, when I focus on all of the highs, 2018 really wasn’t all as bad as I think.  Bailee turned one and started walking.  We were able to experience all of her firsts, which is really way more exciting for us than for her.  She rocked that helmet she had to wear and was able to lift her neck within 6 sessions of physical therapy.  We removed toxic people and emotions from our lives and I grew my support system with some amazing people.  I also created a direction for myself by deciding to apply for my doctorate program next year.

When I focus on the highs of 2018, I realize there are a lot of lessons I learned this year.

It’s ok to say no.

The magic of not giving a f**k.  Go watch this video.  Seriously, it changed my life.  I only have so many hours in the day being a working mom.  I don’t want to spend that time doing things, I have no desire to do.  Or being around people, I don’t want to be around.  And ya know what?  If you are respectful and considerate, there is NOTHING wrong with that.  Don’t waste your time doing things just because you feel like you have to – it will only make you miserable.  Say no respectfully and with enough notice and leave the guilt behind.

Get rid of toxic people.

And don’t feel guilty about it.  Your mental health is too important to worry about feeling guilty about leaving the toxic people behind.  If someone is causing you anxiety, drama, or any negative feelings, leave them behind.  You don’t need that in your life.  You have other priorities and other people in your life who WILL support you.

Try new things.

This one was hard for me.  I thought I was an introvert until this year when I realized it depended on the situation.  I decided I was an ambivert (part introvert, part extrovert).  I went outside my comfort zone and joined a leadership program where I was forced to leave my one year old for an entire week, meet new people and network.  I survived and created an amazing professional support group.  I joined an online mom group and actually attended meet ups with people I did not know.  Through this group, I met some amazing moms who have become very close friends and added to my support group.

Set a direction for yourself.

Where do you want to be in 5 years?  10 years?  Think about your professional and personal life.  Create 3-5 goals for your 5-10 year plan.  Write it down and post it somewhere for you to look at when you’re feeling the lows of life.

Focus on little goals.

And celebrate the little accomplishments.  After you have set a direction for yourself, set small, attainable goals to reach that direction.  It is easier to reach towards small steps and your big direction won’t seem so daunting,if you are taking small steps to reach it.

Focus on gratitude.

As Brene Brown says, “you can’t have joy without gratitude.” Every morning, take some alone time for yourself and think about things you are grateful for in that moment.  There are so many great books and journals out there that will focus you on one positive area of your life per day.  Before going to bed each night, think about 3 amazing things that happened that day.

This has truly been one of my biggest years of growth in a very long time.

 

It’s All About the Climb

My last college course was the Summer of 2015.  Since then, I feel like I have lost my grip on education.  It is crazy how differently you use your brain when you are in school.  You can think more critically, you approach problems in different ways, and you are used to questions that are meant to try and trick you.

Recently, when I have conversations with colleagues, I realize how out of the game I am.  Especially as they begin talking about research with qualitative and quantitative data.  I don’t have much experience with research, as both my Bachelor’s and Master’s were more about application in careers than actually collecting and analyzing data.  It is important to me to be able to discuss, participate, and apply conversations in my career with my colleagues.  This feeling combined with my goal-setting ambition, has led to my decision to obtain my Doctorate and apply next year.

This brings me back to my lost education mind.  The GRE is in my future.  I have never been a good test-taker.  In fact, I’m embarrassed to admit that I scored a 23 on the ACT.  I try not to dwell on it, since I received a 3.94 GPA in my Bachelor’s and a 3.96 in my Master’s, but it is hard.  Today I took a practice GRE test, and oh boy.  It was bad.  Luckily, vocabulary wasn’t too bad, but those mathematic questions!?  I am good at math, but the way they are worded are tricky.  It is time to buckle down and start practicing those GRE problems with books, vocabulary flash cards, and lots and lots of practice quizzes.  Wish me luck.

2018 was a pretty tough year.  I didn’t feel as if I had direction and I mostly felt like I was in survival mode.  Since deciding to pursue my doctorate, I am hoping 2019 becomes the year of chasing new dreams.

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A Woman’s Shopping Injustice

Recently, I’ve been wondering how in the world my husband can go to the store for t-shirts and spend $40 and get 5-6 shirts.  Whereas I go to the store and get 4 shirts and have to pay $65.  Am I just shopping wrong?  Do I get different brands?  Or, is there truly a difference in prices for men’s and women’s clothes?  Yes, there are times when he’ll shop clearance section and I shop regularly priced and vice versa.  But, more times than not, I spend way more than him on clothes and he still gets more items!

I decided to do some research for different stores including Kohl’s and American Eagle.  I chose these stores, because these are where my husband and I shop most that have both men’s and women’s clothes.  Boy, was I disappointed with the results.

First of all, it was really hard to find items that were easily comparable.  The women’s shirts had like 15 different styles where as the mens had v-neck and crew neck.  Due to this, I chose “t-shirts” under both men’s and women’s styles from the Kohl’s website and the American Eagle website.

When I first searched for shirts from AE, it was crazy the differences in price.  Every single shirt that first popped up for females was $24.95, whereas the men’s shirts were $11.99.  That is DOUBLE in price.  79% of t-shirts on the men’s site were $20 or below, whereas 50% of t-shirts on the women’s site were $20 or below.  Plus, many of the women’s shirts were crop tops, meaning less fabric!

With Kohl’s, I decided to focus on a specific shirt style, since we had both recently purchased t-shirts there.  Lo and behold, the men’s shirt were cheaper!  A similar shirt style, the female shirt was $8 and the male shirt was $7.50.  Not a huge difference, but still frustrating.  43% of shirts for men and 47% of shirts for women were under $25 on the site.  So, not as bad as AE, but still frustrating.

So, in conclusion, what does this all mean?  Do I feel like I wasted my time?  Not at all.  My hunches were correct in the thought process that my husband could find better deals on clothes, because they were offered for him.  There were less choices, less styles, and cheaper prices.  It is beyond frustrating knowing that women not only make less than men on average, but we also pay more for clothes (at least according to my quick research).  According to Business Insider, women make 80 cents for every $1 a man makes.  So, at least now I have an excuse to spend more when I shop for when my husband asks!

 

 

Making Enemies while Finding Myself

This weekend, I celebrated my first 29th birthday of many more to come.  It was a really great weekend.  I was able to spend some quality time with the hubby and Bales.

Bailee and I also celebrated her future best friend, Gavin, at his baby shower!

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This year has been a lot of changes.  One obvious change was having a baby.  It changes you in more ways than you can count.  It changes how you do errands.  You think about how you can maximize your errands list by only getting out of the car once.  It changes how you grocery shop, as we now utilize click list from Kroger.  It changes how you sleep.  Midnight wake ups and daily naps become routine.  It changes how you complete chores.  You think about all the stuff you can get done during a 30 minute nap.  But mostly, it has changed how I look at the people in my life.

I’ve reflected a lot this year about the people in my life.  I don’t have patience to spend time with people who bring drama, who are judgmental, or who make my life more difficult and stressful.  I don’t need people in my life who don’t make an effort or who don’t add value to my life.  Bailee is my priority.  I refuse to have people in her life who come and go with no qualms like I had with certain people in my life.  I refuse to have people in her life who guilt trip to get their way or who put themselves first or who judge because they think they know the right way to do things.  I’ve made a lot of enemies this year because of it, and been extremely hurt by certain people as well.  But, honestly, I don’t care.  As a parent, I get to decide who is in mine and my daughter’s life and our lives are better without them.  I don’t have time to deal with fake.  I don’t have the patience to pretend to be someone I’m not, just to fit in.  You can hate me for it, but the most important person in my life is Bailee.

The people I have chosen to surround myself and my daughter are amazing.  They bring joy, happiness, and value.  They lift me up and I know they will do the same for Bailee.  They bring support.  They don’t use guilt.  They truly care.  They’re there when I need to vent.  They want to see me and Bailee succeed.  And that is literally the only thing I can ask for from the people in my life.

Thank you to my people.  You know how you are ❤

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